Wooden Spoons and Chardonnay

So, again I am going to post something totally unrelated to my cooking, but funny as fuck. So I figure, who gives a shit. I'll still post recipes and in between, I'll tell funny stories. Met some friends tonight for some drinks and I actually ordered some food. Not that I'm a restaurant food snob or anything like that, I just don't normally eat things other people prepare....I'm odd like that. Not in a "straight jacket" kind of way, but still. I like to know where my shit comes from. So, I order, get this, a Philly Cheese Steak Platter AND 6 Teriyaki wings! Holy shit. LOL. Too much food. I manage to choke down the cheese steak, which actually had some good meat. The fries were cold as shit and I had to go in search of my own ketchup. Who the hell gives someone a platter with fries and doesn't set a fucking bottle of ketchup on the table? UGH. So, after I demolished the cheese steak platter, I managed to nibble on two of the wings and just couldn...

And so today I am posting more recipes in between trying to work my 9-5 job.  As a reminder, some of the recipes are my own ORIGINAL recipes- some of which, have been published. Others are recipes that I found somewhere, tried out and decided they were worthy of reposting.  Or, I may have eaten something at a restaurant and decided to try to recreate it at home.  I promise I won't post a shitty recipe. Some are easy and some are time consuming, but if you read my cooking tips you should have no problems. Ciao Bella

I'm still  trying to figure out this obsession that Americans have with eating three meals a day. I mean, what the shit? I don't need three meals a day to survive and I know for a fact that 3/4 of all Americans definitely don't need three meals a day. Just look at their fat asses when they pass you on the street. I want to scream, "'Stop! Lay off the Chipotle and KFC you fat asses!" But, I hold it back.  Sometimes I do have restraint.  Still....it bothers me. All of those muffin tops. Good Lord. If you are going to try to cram your size 22 butt into size 12 jeans at least put on something that covers that flab! I have a wonderful family, I truly do. But the men in my family expect three meals a day. Every day. So, I've been cooking for my family for like, lets just say, 20 years now.  Luckily, the men in my family have a high metabolism and are in no way close to being fat asses but just think about it. 20 years of three meals a day. That's ...

Not only does her cooking suck, but so does her taste in lingerie!

Whipping up my version of Applebee's Three Cheese Chicken Penne Sauce Always with the bottle of white. Baking cookies at Sue's house during Christmas Break It's cookie hell, but that's ok. I have my wine. So, this year my daughter baked the gingerbread men. She thought they were rather fat so we had to figure out something to do with them. Below was our creation. Cartman the Christmas Gingerbread Man!

This has nothing to do with my cooking, but had to post this story. So, I go to Mc Donalds the other day for a quick hangover fix. Gotta have the soda and grease. It works every time. So, I go through the drive thru and place my usual order: Cheeseburger-NO pickles, small fry and a small coke....I pull around and there is a Dumb ass waiting for me with a dumb look on his dumb face and no smile. (whatever happened to service with a smile?) I smile my biggest smile, give him my money and get my change. Then the guy hands me my coke and closes the window. No Straw! I'm like, "What the fuck?" So, I rap on the window and say "Dude, can I get a straw?" Dumb ass looks at me and says "It will be in the bag." So, I say, "Dude! I want to drink my coke now, can I please have a straw?" AGAIN, Dumb ass says "It will be in the bag." Well great, so I say, "Dude, but I'm thirsty now!" He looks at me, "Your food will be ...

If someone had told me that I would ever enjoy a Little Weiner, I'd have spit my drink all over them. But... let me tell you, I stumbled across a recipe using Little Weiners and it turned out to be one of my favorites. Everyone asks for the recipe and I think you will too. Three of the best things in life are in this recipe: Weiners Bacon Sugar I'm not kidding. I will post my Little Weiner recipe under appetizers. Try it out and then let me know if you also come to enjoy Little Weiners. Oh the little things in life......

So...as you know by know, I love love love to cook beef tenderloin. Especially when I can find it on the cheap. Nothing can beat it. Screw Sirloin, I say if you can find Tenderloin like I can for 3.99 a pound, grab your damn money and buy as much of it as you can. So...I thought I would try tenderloin on the grill vs tenderloin slow roasted in the oven. Well, fuck it. Don't bother. It was a huge waste of time trying to saute my mushrooms and garlic in the kitchen and keep running outside to make sure my meat wasn't on fire. There was no difference in taste and just a very minimal difference in texture. Save yourself the trouble and just keep slow roasting in the oven. It's also hard to drink a nice glass of Pinot Gris while you are running in and out. I kept leaving my glass by the grill, so finally I gave up and poured another glass to keep by the stove in the kitchen. Needless to say that bottle went FAST. Used to be one bottle of wine would be satisfactory while I...

So, I made some Tequila Lime Chicken last night which I was really excited about cooking as I had never made it before. I even ran out on my lunch hour to buy some tequila for the recipe. Well, I followed the recipe and I'm just not sure what went wrong, but it really sucked! I mean, it wasn't "throw up in your mouth" kind of sucky, but it just didn't taste, I don't know, what is the word I'm looking for..... Good . It just didn't taste good! I hate it when I run out and buy a bunch of ingredients and spend a shitload of money and then the recipe turns out sucking. I guess this is why I'm really careful about the recipes I post here. Needless to say, I won't be posting this recipe any time soon. What I should have done was chugged the rest of the bottle of tequila and made some hotdogs, but I served the food anyhow. Everyone ate it, but not with that usual gusto I see when I know I've knocked a recipe out of the park. Live and ...

Well, I finally sat down and typed up one of Julia's crepe recipes. I hope you enjoy it. You'll notice that the recipe (as well as mine), contains BUTTER. Please go back to one of my first posts about BUTTER. Read it well and remember, if you substitute margarine (gag) for butter in ANY of these recipes, I'm sorry, but it just won't be as good. Butter is king and don't forget it. >>>Sue

So, I'll admit it. Along with wine, vodka or anything containing alcohol for that matter, I am obsessed with paper towels. Funny thing, huh? Paper towels. I'm a pretty fussy cook and I like to be clean. So, nothing is more annoying or DISGUSTING than finding hair, fur or dustballs in your food. Or anyone ELSE's food for that matter. Especially my mom's, but that is another story. Whenever I cook, I forgo the hand towel in favor of the paper towel for one main reason. There is not crap all stuck to my paper towels like what happens to the average hand towel laying around the kitchen. No matter what I touch or wipe, I use a paper towel. Even when I take CLEAN dishes out of the cupboard, I still wipe them with a paper towel. My daughter thought I had kind of lost it when I was explaining this to her but, AHA, I caught her doing it the last time she made cookies. She finally understood my reasoning after trying to grease down a pan with hands that she just dried off ...

So, I have looked and looked and finally found the BEST recipe for crepes ever. Even when I went to the West Side Market in Cleveland and had the so-called fucking Crepe King stand behind us in the crepe line and proclaim his crepe sauce the best of all time, I still thought, fuck you Crepe King. Julia rules...and my sister and I are fucking tired of listening to you brag about your stupid ass crepe recipe. I have already found the BEST crepe recipe. So, my poor sister had to sit and listen while this self absorbed man attempted to tell her why his crepe batter was best. UGH. So, I will repost Julia's recipe (which after at least 10 recipe attempts is the best) but first, I'll post mine, which I have to admit is my own little baby recipe, that in a pinch, I make, almost every night when I have the muchies for crepes. It's very easy. But you kind of have to know how to make a crepe, or at the very least a freaking pancake! It just takes practice.

So, once upon a time. I went with my sister for lunch. We went to a very fancy mall and ate at a place called Brio. My lunch cost 42.00. I'm not shitting you. So. When I ate their very delicate ravioli with the pasta alla vodka sauce, I HAD to figure out how to duplicate it. So, I have. And I will share it with you. You don't have to be a genius or have many ingredients on hand. So here it is. It will kick your ass! It will be listed under Main Dishes.