Wooden Spoons and Chardonnay

I remember when the show "Chopped" first came on the Food Network. I LOVED that damn show. Take a few chefs, throw some ingredients at them and have them make a 3 course meal in a set amount of time. It was a brilliant concept.  Add a few arrogant chefs and a gay, manscaped host with a big head and funny glasses and you've got a hit. I watched it every Tuesday night. My husband even had to sit through Chopped a few times. It was such a fun show. I loved to see what they would come up with and how the judges would just RIP on everything they cooked. They ran through that kitchen like little chickens with their heads cut off and they cooked up a storm.  It was fun. It was exciting.  It was educational! Today it's just shit. I watch Chopped now and they open the basket of ingredients and I'm like "WHAT THE FUCK?"  What the hell are these ingredients? Are they serious?  "Here you go boys and girls. Open your mystery baskets.  Here are your ingredie...

So, I haven't written on my blog in like months. I just haven't had the time. But, today I tried a new recipe for a wing sauce and it was just kick ass. Now, when I make my wings I like to fry the little fuckers first so they get that nice, crispy coating to them....then I toss them in some sauce and finish them on the grill or in the oven, then toss them in some more sauce before I serve them. I came across this recipe after I googled "Teriyaki wings like BW3". They are NOTHING like the Teriyaki wings there, but apparantly there are asian zingy wings. Sara said it was the "best Asian she's ever had."  Things that make you go hmmmmm. Anyhow, I will post it for you all to try.  (this is now posted under appetizers) Bonjour!

So, it's only 8:51 in the morning and I've been doing a lot of thinking. And googling. And writing. Now it's time to blog.  This particular blog is not going to be about MY cooking, thank your lucky stars....it is going to be about Taco Bell and other shit that we eat.  The more I write, the more I'm convinced I should be drinking...because this shit is too disgusting to be real. No, I have suddenly not become a pompous, food know-it-all and yes, I'll probably wake up tomorrow and forget all about this new crusade of mine, but for the moment..I'm going to rant. And rage. Currently, there is a class action lawsuit alledging that Taco Bell has less than 35 percent actual meat in it's products. WHAT? LESS THAN 35 percent meat!! What is in the rest of it then? I don't even want to know. Wait. I do. I watched the Today Show as they did a piece on the topic....Then I googled my fingers to death shortly after to look up everything they talked about. WHAT ...

So, I thawed out a pacakge of boneless, skinless chicken breasts and I'm staring at them thinking "I wonder how many more times I will have to cook chicken before I die?" Really. A hundred? Two hundred? A thousand? I'm not sure I can stand it. I really need a new way to cook chicken.  Today I was thinking maybe breaded chicken....so I google "breaded chicken breasts" and scan through hundreds of really shitty-sounding recipes, you know how it goes:   "Best EVER Chicken!"   "Most delicious chicken recipe!"  "Easy and Awesome breaded chicken!" Blah, blah, blah. They all claim the same thing: My fucking chicken recipe is simply the best ever . Well, bullshit I say. I'm not quite sure ANYbody's recipe qualifies for that honor. I've had decent chicken in my life, but I'm sorry. No chicken meal has EVER given me an orgasm. Prime Rib, yes. Beef Tenderloin, Yes. Lobster, Oh hell yes. But chicken? UGH. So, I sigh and r...

Merry Effing Christmas! It's that time of year again! Time to cook, bake, stir, whip and frost... and no, I'm not talking about your kids....It's time to make the goodies. Every year I spend countless hours in the kitchen whipping up my family's favorite Christmas treats. Nothing is more satisfying than having a broken back and being covered in cookie dough and cream cheese frosting. It's the time of year when you can't walk across the kitchen floor without slipping on PAM cooking spray or having the cat stick to the gobs of frosting that fell on the floor...But, it's a treat.   Most of the recipes that I use have been handed down in my family for years. Generally, they are pretty easy recipes which require few ingredients. These cookies, brownies, fudge and candy recipes are basically the shit as long as you follow directions. It literally takes me hours and a boatload of money to shop for everything and days upon days to finish all the baking, but t...

Well, the weather officially sucks in Northeast Ohio, so I am going to start posting some of my favorite comfort food recipes.. Problem is, I've never actually measured any of these ingredients....I just kind of throw random shit in the pot and keep tasting till I think the flavor is right..... So, I will do the best that I can. You can find these new recipes under "Soups and Stews". Enjoy!

So, we've all had that surprise moment when you find out you are having unexpected company for dinner. It's one of those WTF moments......Then oh shit, what the hell am I going to do. How do I make this dinner for four expand to feed 6? Luckily for me, I like to cook and I generally don't mind company....unless I'm sick or hungover. Then stay the hell away..... I'm the kind of person though, who likes to impress with my cooking and my hostessing. So, when I have unexpected company that I didn't plan a spectacular dinner for, I have to improvise... Here are some of the things that I do to "fancy" up my meals when I wasn't even fucking prepared to do so in the first place. Main course: Well, unfortunately, at the point where you find out you are having unexpected guests...you've probably already started your meal if it's not already even done..So, there isn't much you can do about this. ...This happened to me today. Luckily, I was...