Wooden Spoons and Chardonnay

  I haven't written on this blog in quite a while. I used to try do it regularly...back when I cooked regularly.  As I've said before, ever since John went vegan, I just didn't cook as much as I used to. I barely eat and the kids are mostly gone, so what's the point?   When I was cooking for the entire family, I really enjoyed it.....even though everyone had a different allergy.  Well,  almost  everyone.  My oldest didn't have any food allergies, he was just picky as shit.  Jimmy was (is) allergic to eggs and most seafood and Sara is also allergic to most seafood.  So for the most part, it was pretty easy to cook a good meal that EVERYONE could enjoy.  But then John became vegan 🤮 and I had to start cooking completely separate meals for him.  Then, one by one the kids started moving on and moving out and pretty soon it was just John, myself and Jimmy.  When the kids were younger, we couldn't really afford going out to eat all ...

 I'm trying to get out of this huge funk that I've been in, and I mean funk with a capital FUCK. I've been laid off since March 31 and have achieved absolutely nothing, unless you count the weight gain. 😟 When I went to visit my daughter, she introduced me to one of her favorite foods; Starbucks bacon and gruyere egg bites. They were awesome. Expensive as hell, but so good.  So, I'm attempting to make them myself and if they turn out ok, I will post the recipe.   Here are the before pictures:  and I didn't have a "Sous Vida" whatever in the fuck that is, so I'm using small muffin cups and a water bath.  I'll let you know how I do in about 30 minutes..............

Well, it's been a while.  So much has happened since the last time I dropped some thoughts here. 3 years have passed.  There have been times I've wondered what was going on with me.  I've had zero desire to write. Zero desire to create. Zero desire to cook. Zero desire to pretty much do anything that involves me leaving my bed.  Then, it clicked.  It's been three long years (almost four) of Donald Trump. I'm going to try really hard not to turn this blog into a political one, but be warned; Facebook has sucked the life out of me, Twitter is where I do political battle and I try to keep Insta to just pictures. Sometimes I slip.  Tonight, I'm going to try to catch up, just a bit.  It's so hard though. So much is going on.  This is 2020 after all.   The year we will all someday look back on and wonder how in the fuck we survived it. (If we survived it) As I type this, 183,000 Americans have died from the Covid19 virus.  Coronavirus. Donald ...

Well, it's finally happened. The day I've been dreading for the past 5 years or so has finally arrived. I've officially reached the age of 50. Now, before I go any further, I will say that of COURSE I'm happy to be alive. Of COURSE I know I'm lucky since there are many people who never make it this far.  Doesn't mean I can't have feelings about it.  Everybody says 50 is just a number. Like 40 was just a number. Well, I happen to like the number 24. Can I have it back?  It's hard to describe what turning 50 felt like for me.  Almost all of my friends are turning 50 this year and everybody has described various emotions.  For me my teens were my party years.  My twenties were my babymaking years. My thirties were my baby raising years and my 40's were my keep my marriage together and don't let my body fall apart years.  I never wanted to contemplate 50. I had no problem turning 30, no problem with 40, but for some reason 50 is just scary to me....

Well, it's that time of the year again. Fall is upon us- the leaves are changing and dropping like saggy old-women tits, and the evenings are getting frosty.  It's also time for that annual fuck fest I like to call the Lady Bitch Bonanza. Oh, you don't know what I'm referring to?  Well, if you live in the country, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The ignorant look at them and exclaim "Oh MY look at all of those gorgeous Lady Bugs!"  And I'm like, "Um, no. Those ain't no Ladies. They's bitches. Lady Bitches."  But the ignorant don't believe a thing you say. Until one of those ferocious motherfuckers lands on their arm and bites the shit out of them. It happens every year, usually after the weather turns to shit for a few weeks and then one gloriously sunny day in October, the heavens open up and the Lady Bitches rain down. Everywhere.  Look down, it's a scary little fucker isn't it?  The Lady Bitches...

So, we have a willow tree in the yard.  Whenever my grandbaby is over, we HAVE to run to the willow tree and touch it and walk under it, etc....  When my best friend was over a few weeks ago, we drank about 32 beers and suddenly I HAD to climb that willow tree. And I did it. We laughed and laughed and laughed.   Yes, that's me again. And me again..... Not to bad for a girl with a bad back, but then beer will do that to you.  Where is my partner in crime during all of this??? Not climbing trees. No sir. She sticks with things a bit safer, like riding stuffed animals.... Yup.  There she is........ Needless to say, whenever we get together it doesn't matter our current age.....It always takes us back to the Summer of 85' and the fun we used to have. I love that we can always just pick back up like that.   Oh, and here is one more for the books.....and one word...Nutmeg... Then the car that drove past later and stopped to ask "Are you...

As most of you know, my hubby went Vegan 3 years ago. My culinary life, as I knew it, essentially died.  (Yes, I almost wish that said Vegas) I bumped into someone who told me that they missed my blog and even though I wasn't really cooking anymore (interesting food, that is) that I should continue to write about just whatever the fuck pops into my head. So, here goes.....Today, I saw this Meme/Photo on a FB friend's wall......Cute huh? Well, that's all nice and everything but would you like to hear my reply to this meme?   Sue:  I want one that ejaculates chocolate, pisses wine and shits fifty dollar bills. just cover his face with a bag if he's ugly. That about sums it up.  I'm not hard to please.  So, even though I may not write about food anymore, I'm going to continue writing about whatever happens to pop into my head.  Wait, I already have a new post....Look for it next! 

I'm back bitches! Decided it's time to start blogging again, and with some goddamn purpose this time.  I may not cook like I used to, but I can definitely still drink and find great recipes to test and share. So, stay tuned!  We're about to have some fucking fun!

So, today has been a smelly shitfest of bunches of shitty things. What shitty things do you ask? Wellllll, let's start off with Chicago O'Hare. Chicago O'Hare has got to be THE giantest vagina of vagina airports. It constantly closes. Today at 11:04 a.m. a moth farted. It did. And the airport shut down. It fucking shut down. I had 8 calls in a row with people stuck all over the Northern Hemisphere who were trying to connect via O'Pussy Hare. Because of the moth. Ok, so maybe it wasn't exactly JUST a moth. There was a storm. OMG. A storm. So the airport shuts down and basically fucks up EVERYBODY's day. Especially mine. You have no idea how many people I said, "Just cool your heels and have a drink" to....I did. And mostly they agreed..... At the end of my shitfest of a day, I decided to walk to my mailbox and see if the 3 million dollar check I've been waiting for has arrived and take my stupid dog with me. Well, I poured a glass of wine and wa...

Sadly enough I have to report that I rarely cook anymore.  Why you might ask? Well, because my husband is now a Vegan and I'm not. End of story. Well, so maybe I lied a little bit, I guess you can say I do still cook. I just don't cook anything edible. At least not to normal people. I can't express enough how sick I am of beans, rice, tofu, pasta, vegetables, potatoes and wraps.  That's all I ever cook anymore. So, what do I eat? Toast, usually. It's sad, sad, sad. Someone needs to come and take me out to dinner. For a real dinner. I'm hungry. So, I really loved this blog and no longer want to ignore it, but since I don't cook anymore, I'm not sure what to do about it. Then I looked at the title again. Wooden Spoons and Chardonnay.....Wooden Spoons and Chardonnay...hmmm....I supposed I can call this a blog about drinking wine and maybe stirring it with a wooden spoon...or drinking wine and beating people with a wooden spoon.  Anyhow, it got me to t...

I have nothing to say about food tonight because I'm only drinking. I made my hubby some horrible smelling Tuscan White Bean soup and he's actually eating it right now. I had a cheeseburger with no pickles and a value fry from McDonalds. It was pretty shitty. I'm just excited  I have a new follower, so I had to acknowledge it.

As promised, I will begin posting recipes submitted to me by fans and friends.  The first, submited by Sandra Misiolek, will be posted shortly. Thanks Sandra! 

Since I'm in this cooking funk, I thought I would reach out to my fellow bloggers for help to keep this site at least a little bit relevant toward cooking and good recipes. If YOU have an awesome recipe, you know the one where everybody asks you to bring it to their party or cookout and you inevitably spend 15 minutes writing it down and passing it out? Please share it with me and I will post it on the blog.  I am going to add a new category called "Fan Recipes" and I will include your recipes and include your name and location.  (with your approval of course) So, dig into your recipe boxes and email me some of your very favorite, no fail recipes. You can email them to sue.zambo@yahoo.com .   I look forward to an email box overflowing with your culinary creations and if you can't be bothered to send one, well then you can just piss off and choke on the next thing you make. (well, I hope you don't choke but you CAN piss off."

So, just when my blog started to become popular I realized that I never cook anymore. As a matter of fact I rarely even eat anymore. I'm in such a funk. I miss cooking and talking about it.  Now that my husband is on this shitty Vegan, but worse than Vegan diet, I rarely eat and I feel terrible because I have no idea what anything I'm serving him tastes like. Imagine this. I used to cook some fabulous meals. Delicious meals you could buy in a restaurant but maybe can't afford to do all the time, so I would research the recipes, copy them and recreate them at home. Cooking and drinking were my two favorite things to do. Well, beside sex, but you get my point. Now, I have to watch every little thing my husband eats if I want to keep him alive, which is why I started a new blog called "I have to cook WHAT?", and it's REALLY hard. I mean how many fucking things can you do with beans and rice? Not a whole hell of a lot. Ditto that with soy meat, soy milk, soy y...

I cook a LOT of shit with cheese, butter and wine.  Just sayin.

So, tonight my son came up to me and asked me if I'd make some Chicken Alfredo. I almost told him to go fuck himself because I'm a bit on the pissy side today, but I thought, "What the hell."  Since my husband has been on this new "I can't eat anything but Alpo and Oranges diet", my kitchen has been boring as fuck. Seriously. My butter hasn't seen the light of day. I haven't bought heavy cream in 3 months. My parmesan cheese has been frozen in the freezer and my olive oil asked me for a divorce. Bit of a funk, eh? So, I ran to the store, fast. The way a pedophile runs to the nearest playground and I went NUTS buying GOOD shit! $7 parmesan! Heavy Cream! Cream cheese! 7 cheese shredded blend mix! WINE! Chicken bouillion and EGG freaking noodles. I had a culinary orgasm. Right in aisle 7. The biggest thing I had to debate was how many bottles of wine I needed to buy. I mean, I knew afterall, that I needed some wine in the sauce, I just couldn...

So, Paula Deen has recently announced that she has Type 2 Diabetes and not suprisingly has suddenly become a spokeswoman for Diabetes medication. (there's a fucking shock) What makes me laugh are people who think this is some kind of news. I mean, here is this chunky southern woman, who can't go without saying "Ya'll" fifty times in a sentence on TV teaching people how to make hoho cakes and twinkie pies. I mean this woman eats Crisco with a spoon for chrissakes. So, now that she's contracted this disease and has signed on to become a spokesperson for Diabetes medication, she's going to preach to people about healthy eating? What horseshit. I've never, ever liked Paula Deen. Just listening to her talk makes me want to die. I had to laugh this morning as I read this excerpt from People Magazine Online this morning. It features the feud between Paula and Anthony Bourdain, whom I adore. He's a straight shooter who tells it like it is and...

So, if you've ever eaten at Red Lobster you've probably had the biscuits. You know what I'm talking about; those delicious, lip-smacking mounds of carbohydrates that we all love to eat. You might even be one of those people who wrap them in napkins and stuff them in your purse and then coyly ask the waitress for more (like me)....Well, she knows what you are up to, you fat ass. You are stealing the biscuits. Everybody knows it because everybody does it. Those biscuits are the shit and you can't get enough. You've probably scoured the internet for the recipe like I have-only to be disappointed over and over again because every recipe sucks and just doesn't taste the same. There are a ton of recipes out there, but none are quite like Red Lobster's. Believe me, I know. I've tried them all. Well, I've finally come up with a recipe that's close. I'm not going to boast and say that mine are the best, because they're not. I don't have a fu...

Ok. So, I'll admit. I need to post a lot more often. It's just really hard, but tonight I decided to have a few drinks and we all know I am a much better writer when I drink..and I had the homemade caramels for dinner along with some Chardonnay and I have heard that Chardonnay is straight up fucking awesome when paired with caramel, so that is what I had for dinner.  It was pretty fucking good. Probably not healthy, but who am I to judge.......So, chardonnay and caramel is the shit and I will post the caramel recipe tomorrow if I haven't already.

So, when we were in Alaska, we went to the Liarsville Salmon Bake in Ketchikan. I have to say that it was probably one of the best meals I have had anywhere, anytime. The salmon, was heaven, since obviously it was local, but the sauce was soooo good. The cook told me the recipe, but by the time I got home I had forgotten it. I searched the web and finally found it.  I'm soooo happy I found it. I will find somewhere on here to post it..... It has come to my attention that I NEVER posted the recipe!   OMG.  DUH.  So here it is:  In a double boiler melt:  1/2 LB of butter 2-3 Cups of brown sugar 1/4 cup of lemon juice 1/4 cup of pineapple juice Add the juices after the butter and brown sugar has combined.   Simmer on low heat, stirring frequently.   I like to marinate the salmon with some of the sauce and then when I'm cooking the salmon, baste with the sauce and you should still have enough to serve on the s...