Wooden Spoons and Chardonnay

Well, it's been a while.  So much has happened since the last time I dropped some thoughts here. 3 years have passed.  There have been times I've wondered what was going on with me.  I've had zero desire to write. Zero desire to create. Zero desire to cook. Zero desire to pretty much do anything that involves me leaving my bed.  Then, it clicked.  It's been three long years (almost four) of Donald Trump. I'm going to try really hard not to turn this blog into a political one, but be warned; Facebook has sucked the life out of me, Twitter is where I do political battle and I try to keep Insta to just pictures. Sometimes I slip.  Tonight, I'm going to try to catch up, just a bit.  It's so hard though. So much is going on.  This is 2020 after all.   The year we will all someday look back on and wonder how in the fuck we survived it. (If we survived it) As I type this, 183,000 Americans have died from the Covid19 virus.  Coronavirus. Donald ...

Well, it's finally happened. The day I've been dreading for the past 5 years or so has finally arrived. I've officially reached the age of 50. Now, before I go any further, I will say that of COURSE I'm happy to be alive. Of COURSE I know I'm lucky since there are many people who never make it this far.  Doesn't mean I can't have feelings about it.  Everybody says 50 is just a number. Like 40 was just a number. Well, I happen to like the number 24. Can I have it back?  It's hard to describe what turning 50 felt like for me.  Almost all of my friends are turning 50 this year and everybody has described various emotions.  For me my teens were my party years.  My twenties were my babymaking years. My thirties were my baby raising years and my 40's were my keep my marriage together and don't let my body fall apart years.  I never wanted to contemplate 50. I had no problem turning 30, no problem with 40, but for some reason 50 is just scary to me....

Well, it's that time of the year again. Fall is upon us- the leaves are changing and dropping like saggy old-women tits, and the evenings are getting frosty.  It's also time for that annual fuck fest I like to call the Lady Bitch Bonanza. Oh, you don't know what I'm referring to?  Well, if you live in the country, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The ignorant look at them and exclaim "Oh MY look at all of those gorgeous Lady Bugs!"  And I'm like, "Um, no. Those ain't no Ladies. They's bitches. Lady Bitches."  But the ignorant don't believe a thing you say. Until one of those ferocious motherfuckers lands on their arm and bites the shit out of them. It happens every year, usually after the weather turns to shit for a few weeks and then one gloriously sunny day in October, the heavens open up and the Lady Bitches rain down. Everywhere.  Look down, it's a scary little fucker isn't it?  The Lady Bitches...

So, we have a willow tree in the yard.  Whenever my grandbaby is over, we HAVE to run to the willow tree and touch it and walk under it, etc....  When my best friend was over a few weeks ago, we drank about 32 beers and suddenly I HAD to climb that willow tree. And I did it. We laughed and laughed and laughed.   Yes, that's me again. And me again..... Not to bad for a girl with a bad back, but then beer will do that to you.  Where is my partner in crime during all of this??? Not climbing trees. No sir. She sticks with things a bit safer, like riding stuffed animals.... Yup.  There she is........ Needless to say, whenever we get together it doesn't matter our current age.....It always takes us back to the Summer of 85' and the fun we used to have. I love that we can always just pick back up like that.   Oh, and here is one more for the books.....and one word...Nutmeg... Then the car that drove past later and stopped to ask "Are you...

As most of you know, my hubby went Vegan 3 years ago. My culinary life, as I knew it, essentially died.  (Yes, I almost wish that said Vegas) I bumped into someone who told me that they missed my blog and even though I wasn't really cooking anymore (interesting food, that is) that I should continue to write about just whatever the fuck pops into my head. So, here goes.....Today, I saw this Meme/Photo on a FB friend's wall......Cute huh? Well, that's all nice and everything but would you like to hear my reply to this meme?   Sue:  I want one that ejaculates chocolate, pisses wine and shits fifty dollar bills. just cover his face with a bag if he's ugly. That about sums it up.  I'm not hard to please.  So, even though I may not write about food anymore, I'm going to continue writing about whatever happens to pop into my head.  Wait, I already have a new post....Look for it next! 

I'm back bitches! Decided it's time to start blogging again, and with some goddamn purpose this time.  I may not cook like I used to, but I can definitely still drink and find great recipes to test and share. So, stay tuned!  We're about to have some fucking fun!

So, today has been a smelly shitfest of bunches of shitty things. What shitty things do you ask? Wellllll, let's start off with Chicago O'Hare. Chicago O'Hare has got to be THE giantest vagina of vagina airports. It constantly closes. Today at 11:04 a.m. a moth farted. It did. And the airport shut down. It fucking shut down. I had 8 calls in a row with people stuck all over the Northern Hemisphere who were trying to connect via O'Pussy Hare. Because of the moth. Ok, so maybe it wasn't exactly JUST a moth. There was a storm. OMG. A storm. So the airport shuts down and basically fucks up EVERYBODY's day. Especially mine. You have no idea how many people I said, "Just cool your heels and have a drink" to....I did. And mostly they agreed..... At the end of my shitfest of a day, I decided to walk to my mailbox and see if the 3 million dollar check I've been waiting for has arrived and take my stupid dog with me. Well, I poured a glass of wine and wa...