Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Lady Bitches

Well, it's that time of the year again. Fall is upon us- the leaves are changing and dropping like saggy old-women tits, and the evenings are getting frosty. 

It's also time for that annual fuck fest I like to call the Lady Bitch Bonanza. Oh, you don't know what I'm referring to?  Well, if you live in the country, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The ignorant look at them and exclaim "Oh MY look at all of those gorgeous Lady Bugs!"  And I'm like, "Um, no. Those ain't no Ladies. They's bitches. Lady Bitches."  But the ignorant don't believe a thing you say. Until one of those ferocious motherfuckers lands on their arm and bites the shit out of them. It happens every year, usually after the weather turns to shit for a few weeks and then one gloriously sunny day in October, the heavens open up and the Lady Bitches rain down. Everywhere.  Look down, it's a scary little fucker isn't it? 

The Lady Bitches are relentless and you really have to try to keep them out of your house. If you don't, they will most certainly congregate in the farthest corner of your highest ceiling and they won't come down until spring.  If you look up, you can see them there in the corner, looking like a beaver with the biggest bush you've ever seen. Just sitting there, lurking. Waiting.  

Then suddenly in the spring, when the weather warms up again, the little bitches start to fall from the ceiling.  Watch where you step, not only are they biting bitches from hell, but they smell like shit if you squash one of them.  

I still haven't figured out how to keep them away. It's virtually impossible. I do know that staying drunk for the 2-3 days they are around helps to alleviate my irritation. 

May the force be with you....and some good vodka!

Saturday, September 12, 2015

best friend shenanigans

So, we have a willow tree in the yard.  Whenever my grandbaby is over, we HAVE to run to the willow tree and touch it and walk under it, etc....  When my best friend was over a few weeks ago, we drank about 32 beers and suddenly I HAD to climb that willow tree. And I did it. We laughed and laughed and laughed.  

Yes, that's me again.

And me again.....

Not to bad for a girl with a bad back, but then beer will do that to you.  Where is my partner in crime during all of this??? Not climbing trees. No sir. She sticks with things a bit safer, like riding stuffed animals....

Yup.  There she is........

Needless to say, whenever we get together it doesn't matter our current age.....It always takes us back to the Summer of 85' and the fun we used to have. I love that we can always just pick back up like that.  

Oh, and here is one more for the books.....and one word...Nutmeg...

Then the car that drove past later and stopped to ask "Are you ladies alright?"  To which we replied: " fuck offffffffffffffffffffffffffff!"  and then ran all the way back to the house.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

On a completely unrelated note.........

As most of you know, my hubby went Vegan 3 years ago. My culinary life, as I knew it, essentially died.  (Yes, I almost wish that said Vegas)

I bumped into someone who told me that they missed my blog and even though I wasn't really cooking anymore (interesting food, that is) that I should continue to write about just whatever the fuck pops into my head.

So, here goes.....Today, I saw this Meme/Photo on a FB friend's wall......Cute huh?

Well, that's all nice and everything but would you like to hear my reply to this meme?  

Sue: I want one that ejaculates chocolate, pisses wine and shits fifty dollar bills. just cover his face with a bag if he's ugly.

That about sums it up.  I'm not hard to please. 

So, even though I may not write about food anymore, I'm going to continue writing about whatever happens to pop into my head. 

Wait, I already have a new post....Look for it next!