Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Chicken? Again?

So, I thawed out a pacakge of boneless, skinless chicken breasts and I'm staring at them thinking "I wonder how many more times I will have to cook chicken before I die?" Really. A hundred? Two hundred? A thousand? I'm not sure I can stand it. I really need a new way to cook chicken.  Today I was thinking maybe breaded chicken....so I google "breaded chicken breasts" and scan through hundreds of really shitty-sounding recipes, you know how it goes:  "Best EVER Chicken!"   "Most delicious chicken recipe!"  "Easy and Awesome breaded chicken!" Blah, blah, blah.

They all claim the same thing: My fucking chicken recipe is simply the best ever. Well, bullshit I say. I'm not quite sure ANYbody's recipe qualifies for that honor. I've had decent chicken in my life, but I'm sorry. No chicken meal has EVER given me an orgasm. Prime Rib, yes. Beef Tenderloin, Yes. Lobster, Oh hell yes. But chicken? UGH. So, I sigh and realize that in order to truly enjoy ANY chicken dish, I'll just have to be shit-balls drunk.

I think back to one of the last meals I ate at Applebees. Three-Cheese Chicken Penne. Now that was some good chicken. Not fucking great, but it was good. It had just enough cheese and cream in it to kill a heart patient (sorry honey) and it was pretty damn good with a glass of chilled white wine.  I spent hours and hours in the kitchen perfecting my version of this yummy dish and I think I have a pretty good clone.  I would actually make it for dinner tonight, but I'm out of wine and as much as I love my coca cola, I can't stomach the thought of eating this dish and washing it down with a can of pop. Blech. So, I will continue my futile search for some breaded chicken recipes and as a special treat to all of you, I will post my version of Applebee's Three-Cheese Chicken Penne. Look for it under main dishes.

If I happen to stumble upon a good recipe for breaded chicken, I will gladly add it to the blog later. Don't worry, I will NOT call it "The best breaded chicken ever.".....I will simply refer to it as some pretty damn good chicken and leave it at that.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Merry Effing Christmas!

It's that time of year again! Time to cook, bake, stir, whip and frost... and no, I'm not talking about your kids....It's time to make the goodies.
Every year I spend countless hours in the kitchen whipping up my family's favorite Christmas treats. Nothing is more satisfying than having a broken back and being covered in cookie dough and cream cheese frosting. It's the time of year when you can't walk across the kitchen floor without slipping on PAM cooking spray or having the cat stick to the gobs of frosting that fell on the floor...But, it's a treat.

 Most of the recipes that I use have been handed down in my family for years. Generally, they are pretty easy recipes which require few ingredients. These cookies, brownies, fudge and candy recipes are basically the shit as long as you follow directions. It literally takes me hours and a boatload of money to shop for everything and days upon days to finish all the baking, but the end result is..well..it's the shit!

Thankfully, I have a daughter who loves to bake, so having Sara help me is a huge bonus....as I type I just finished baking 3 pumpkin rolls on my lunch hour. Yessir, I said 3 pumpkin rolls on my lunch HOUR. I know. I'm amazing. Or Stupid...either way...but the pumkin roll deserves it's own headline, so I'll write about that in another thread.

I don't have many rules of thumb when doing my holiday baking. But people PLEASE....PLEASE....PLEASE....if a recipe calls for butter...then USE BUTTER!!! Unless a recipe specifically says you MUST use margarine, I never use margarine. As far as I'm concerned that shit is poison. Really. You ever read the ingredients? Pure fucking poison basically.

Besides, I've compared my Spritz butter cookies head to head with an unnamed relative's who by the way, uses margarine and mine KICKED ASS. You could tell the difference, both in texture and flavor....I can't think of anything else that really matters as much as butter. I love butter.....The only other thing I can think of that is just as important as butter is wine....Just remember....If all else fails, have a nice chilled bottle of wine to suck on while you are sweating your ass off and crying over ruined cookie batter....

I've asked all of my facebook friends to send their favorite cookie recipes and I will post these along with my favorites under a new page called "Holiday Baking"...

Good luck and Merry Effing Christmas!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Time for Chicken Soup

Well, the weather officially sucks in Northeast Ohio, so I am going to start posting some of my favorite comfort food recipes..

Problem is, I've never actually measured any of these ingredients....I just kind of throw random shit in the pot and keep tasting till I think the flavor is right.....

So, I will do the best that I can. You can find these new recipes under "Soups and Stews".


Sunday, September 19, 2010

Company for dinner? Honey are you shitting me?

So, we've all had that surprise moment when you find out you are having unexpected company for dinner. It's one of those WTF moments......Then oh shit, what the hell am I going to do. How do I make this dinner for four expand to feed 6?

Luckily for me, I like to cook and I generally don't mind company....unless I'm sick or hungover. Then stay the hell away.....

I'm the kind of person though, who likes to impress with my cooking and my hostessing. So, when I have unexpected company that I didn't plan a spectacular dinner for, I have to improvise...

Here are some of the things that I do to "fancy" up my meals when I wasn't even fucking prepared to do so in the first place.

Main course: Well, unfortunately, at the point where you find out you are having unexpected guests...you've probably already started your meal if it's not already even done..So, there isn't much you can do about this. ...This happened to me today. Luckily, I was making lasagna. And even more luckily, it was a pretty fancy lasagna with home made Bolognese sauce, fresh mozzarella, goat cheese, ricotta and basil..yum.....So, I had enough lasagna to go around.

Dessert: I have to have dessert when I have company. A meal just doesn't feel complete without it. So what do you do when you don't have time to bake a cake or pie? Bread pudding with caramel sauce is what I always fall back on. Soooo freaking easy. Who doesn't have old bread in their pantry? Brown sugar? Check! Eggs? Check! Milk? Check! If I happen to have frozen or fresh blueberries, I toss those fuckers in as well....Then I make a caramel sauce...easy peazy. Sugar? Check! Water? Check! You can make a very nice bread pudding with caramel sauce to serve. I can post the recipe.

Little touches....

When I serve bread, rolls etc....it always make it fancier if I dress up my butter a little bit.
That is right. Dress up the butter. It's not enough that butter is spectacular on it's own, but I do dress it up a bit....Take a stick of butter and soften it....here are two of my favorites:

1. Add in about a tablespoon of honey and tablespoon or so of brown sugar.....mix it around and you have a to-die-for spread for your warm rolls...yummy.

2. Add in about a 1/2 tsp of lemon, 1 clove of minced garlic and some chopped fresh herbs..whatever you got..basil, oregano, parsley..whatever. Toss in a pinch of salt and a twist of black pepper....You got HERB BUTTER. Another yum.

Throw together a spectacular salad. I keep almonds and walnuts in my freezer. Chop up your lettuce. Toss in sliced red onions, strawberries or raspberries. Toss in some nuts and serve with a vinaigrette (I'm sure I spelled that wrong)....You can make your own vinaigrette or keep a store bought bottle in your fridge....

Make your own croutons! Easy as pie. Cut up some bread into 1 inch cubes. Toss in a large bowl. Drizzle in some olive oil and dried herbs. Spread on a baking sheet and bake in the oven till nice and toasty. Serve on your salad....

It's always the little touches that make it seem like you planned this shit all along.
Improvise! That is what I had to do today when I found out at the last minute that my in-laws were coming for dinner.

So, the lasagna is baking. The bread is ready and so is the honey butter....The salad is chopped and the croutons are done. The bread pudding is in the oven...Getting ready to make the caramel sauce now...

I happen to be a glutton for punishment, so I whipped up a batch of crepe batter, which is chilling in the fridge...I sliced up the rest of the raspberries and strawberries that were rotting in my fridge and they are currently marinating in a bit of sugar and amaretto...Perfect topping for the crepes......

I fucking rock.

Friday, September 10, 2010

I just ate WHAT?!!!!

So, we were invited to my Sister-in-law's house for a cookout a few weeks ago and I haven't written about it yet because it's taken me this long to get over it....so, I'll tell you the story.

I always LOVE going to Karen's (name changed to protect the innocent) house for dinner because she is an awesome cook and she is very Martha Stewartish. From the fresh made lemonade with sprigs of just-picked mint floating in it, to the handmade placemats and name tags.....she really knows how to impress. I get very excited when we get invited. But, there is ONE small drawback. My brother in law is a hunter... So, you never know what might turn up on the dinner table. Usually, it will be venison.

As we were getting ready to leave I looked at my daughter Sara, and said, "God, I really hope they are NOT serving deer today. Anything but fucking Bambi, because I will be hitting McD's on the way home." Yup, for sure....we were both pretty clear on this.

So, we arrive at Karen's and sure enough...there is the fresh pitcher of homemade lemonade with fresh raspberries and mint! There is a giant bowl of pasta salad with fresh vegetables from her garden. Cucumber salad! Fresh fruit from the garden! Corn on the cob! OMG.... A turkey! A freaking turkey smoking out in the garden under a metal garbage can for chrissakes! Then, on the counter there is a crock pot of barbecued pulled "beef"........I couldn't wait to eat! I was starving.

So, I fill my plate and we head out to the deck to eat. Sara and I are enjoying our food and I just got about 1/2 way done with my bbq "beef sandwich".......Now at this point in the story..I have to back track.....

Earlier, we had gone downstairs to see my Brother-in-law's latest conquests.....Coyote on the wall, three deer heads and a goddamn fucking black bear! Of course, they are very proud of this and they should be. They are hunters! Me, not so impressed. I just want to leave the taxidermy shop, NOW! I am creeped out.... so I get out of there as soon as I can.

Which brings me back to the deck, and the dinner story....As I take about my fourth bite into the bbq "beef" sandwich, my Sister-in-law (sneak in law) looks at me and says, "So, how do you like the sandwich?". I say "Ok, enough bullshit. What the fuck am I eating?" She looks at me with a giant smile and says "yogi bear".

Ok, that's enough. I almost barf right there. I am eating BEAR. Not only am I eating BEAR, but I am eating the BEAR that is downstairs, stuffed on the fucking wall! I can't take this. Deer is bad enough, but BEAR? I don't want to eat BEAR! Given the choice, I'd have licked the toilet seat rather than eat a goddamn BEAR! I was kind of pissed because I thought, hey, if I was going to invite people over to a BEARbeque, I'd have at least told them they were having wild game and given them the choice to back the fuck out.

Needless to say, the other half of the sandwich went into the trash and I was done eating and sick to my stomach!

I went in search of the alcohol and prayed that it would make me forget what I ate or make me sick enough to throw it up later. Enough of this! After we left, we all pretty much agreed that given the choice we would not have eaten yogi fucking bear,thank you very much. So, lesson learned. Next time we're invited to Karen's, I don't eat anything that has ever eaten anything else. Ever again!

P.S. To be fair......I have to admit.. the Bearbebque sandwich was actually pretty tasty until I found out what it was.

Am I nuts or just good a wife and mother?

So, I'm going out of town tomorrow and won't be back till Sunday. Soooooo,
I decided that rather than getting ten phone calls saying "What can we eat", every five minutes.......I would make enough food to last them until I get home. Shit, you would think I'm leaving for Bangladesh or something....

I made the Cheese Tortellini with the Alla Vodka Sauce, and dammit, I gotta say..I fucking love this dish. OMG. Every time I eat it, it's kind of like a mini orgasm, only without the wet spot afterward. Then, I made a big ol pot of homemade chicken noodle soup, which I have to say, was pretty fucking good too. I'm going to actually post it. I have two soups that I do well. One is French Onion and the other is Chicken Noodle. I really need to get a handle on the potato cheddar soup, and when I do, you will know it.

So dear friends and readers of mine....it may sound gay, but I'm going to post the chicken noodle soup recipe. Who'd have thought that tossing in basil, oregano (Italian really?!), beef and chicken boullion (I'm sure I just spelled that wrong) and a bunch of other shit would turn out so damn good? But it did. Oh comfort food. you gotta love it.

So, signing off for now......going to finish this bottle of wine...oh and I have a story about wine.....but I'll get to that later!

Sue out.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


So, my mom bought me a subscription for "Taste of Home" food magazine and I just recieved my first issue yesterday. I've got to say, it's a pretty good magazine. I really like the pictures, plus you get to use scissors to cut things out. Yippe! A magazine right up my alley. Thanks Mom!

So, I decided I'd give it a looky-see last night while I had a bath.
I was sipping on Pinot Grigio and soaking in the tub, thumbing through the magazine when I came to page 11. The title was "In a Pickle." Hmmmmm.....Apparantly TOH thinks the following recipes will make your family's tiny little taste buds just pop right the fuck out of their mouths. I beg to differ.

I'm all for enjoying a good pickle every now and then, I mean, what's life without a little pickle? I have to tell you though, after reading these pickle recipe suggestions from some of the editors, all I can say is this. What the fuck are you people thinking?

If I even considered serving my family a "Traditional, gooey, cheese pizza topped with crunchy dill pickle spears cut into chunks and baked in the oven", they would chase me down and poke my eyes out with a skewer! Are you kidding? Pickles and Pizza? Are these bitches pregnant? Wait! Here are a few other of their Pickle Recipes:

Stuffed Pickles: sliced a pickle and stuff it with cream cheese, jalapenos, cilantro and pimento. Yumm-O

Thick sliced deli ham, spread with cream cheese and wrapped around a large whole pickle, cut into 1 inch slices. Bravo!!!

A crusy rye dinner roll, with caraway and rock salt on top, stuffed with a slice of LIVER SAUSAGE, RED RASPBERRY JAM and slicked pickles. This editor said she ate this every day at college. Well, I'm sure she did because she is a cow. Ugh. I could barely get past the LIVER SAUSAGE part without vomiting all over my keyboard!

How about a nice giant dill pickle wrapped in swiss cheese and SMOTHERED in mayo! OMG, so fucking tasty I can't stand it!

I've got to say, they really "Wowed" me with their recipe suggestions. NOT.
Real people do not eat this shit. So, Ladies, PLEASE......take your pickles and your brilliant ideas and go home! Enough said.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Move your Fat Ass over Rachel Ray!

So, I have decided that I am going to host a cooking class. Kind of like a cooking show, I might even have someone film it. BUT, I will probably drink lots of wine first, so that when I drop something I can randomly scream "Fuck That!" and then throw shit all over the kitchen.

That is the kind of cooking show I want to watch. Not this bullshit where Rachel Ray balances 500 ingredients on her fatass grubby arms and walks around yelling "sammies" and "yummo". Fuck that bitch. I want to see her drop some shit! Trip on something. Liven the show up Bitch! Ugh. Had enough of her.

Maybe I can wear a shirt like Giada does, you know, to show off the boobies.
That's the only reason people watch her. They could give a flying shit about her goddamn ravioli. Chef Boy ar Dee I say. Nobody needs Giada for ravioli! They just want to see her boobs!

So, I'm going to host a cooking class. I already took a poll and it looks like everyone wants to come! It will be fun. I will pass out shots and teach EVERYONE how to carmelize onions, press garlic and burp like a man!

Seriously, it will be fun. I'm going to cook 2 or 3 of my favorite pasta dishes. They are kick ass, so it's a good place to start. If that goes well, then maybe I'll have another.

If you like this idea, then please...HOLLA!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Knocked it out of the Park!


I made Shrimp Scampi version 1, I think. It was sooooooooooo good. Knocked it out of the fucking park.

OMG, you have to try it.

Food is gone. Wine is gone. Bread is gone.

That is all that matters!

Been a while

So, it has been a while since I've posted anything. Well, it's been an interesting fucking week.

Hubby was admitted to the hospital last week. Again. Turns out he had three more blockages and they had to do an Angio. Poor guy now has 9 stents! I SWEAR it wasn't my fault!!! I hold back the butter at all costs although I eat a stick of it whenever I can....

I may have to turn my blog into "Cooking Delicious Meals for Heart Patients".

Anyhow, hubby is out and doing fine. I have a vacation day today so since I need to cook something healthy for the hubster, I think I'm going to whip up my healthy version of Shrimp Scampi today. It's got lotsa goodies in it like fresh portabello mushrooms, fresh tomatoes, shrimps, olive oil and all kinds of little herbs and LOADS of garlic and WINE. All of my favorites.

Who the hell wants to eat bland fish and tasteless rice? I think NOT!

Hmmm. Maybe I should become a master at cooking good food for sick people!
I can do that you know.

I have recreated this recipe from a restaurant that we ate at in Napa Valley. I think I did a good job....try it and let me know!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Wings, Dings and Other Things

So, again I am going to post something totally unrelated to my cooking, but funny as fuck.
So I figure, who gives a shit. I'll still post recipes and in between, I'll tell funny stories.

Met some friends tonight for some drinks and I actually ordered some food. Not that I'm a restaurant food snob or anything like that, I just don't normally eat things other people prepare....I'm odd like that. Not in a "straight jacket" kind of way, but still. I like to know where my shit comes from.

So, I order, get this, a Philly Cheese Steak Platter AND 6 Teriyaki wings! Holy shit. LOL. Too much food. I manage to choke down the cheese steak, which actually had some good meat. The fries were cold as shit and I had to go in search of my own ketchup. Who the hell gives someone a platter with fries and doesn't set a fucking bottle of ketchup on the table? UGH.

So, after I demolished the cheese steak platter, I managed to nibble on two of the wings and just couldn't eat anymore. So, I figured I'd take the rest home for the kids.... So, I motion for our waitress....I really didn't tell you what a skanky whore we had for a waitress, so I guess I'll start by talking about her now.

She kind of looked like Hulk Hogan, only with giant ass titties. But ugly titties. And she reminded me of another wrestler, but I don't remember his name. Let's just say, she had long, snarly hair, giant boobs, a shirt way too small and a face only a monkey's mother could love. So, she comes over, FINALLY, and says "Hon, (chomp chomp) Are ya dun wif dose wings? Hmmmmm" (kinda like Billy Bob Thorton in Slingblade...)

And I'm like, "um, yessir. I mean, ma'am. I'm done. But I'd like a box, I'll take the leftovers home to my kids."

I'm not shitting you. My best friend Adriann, sitting right beside me heard the entire conversation and so did Jill, to my right. So, this trailer trash waitress with the gigantic scary boobs, takes my plate of wings and proceeds to throw them in the trash.

I'm like. What the fuck? So, I look around to see if anyone else notices, because my jaw is kind of on the floor, but I'm trying to be cool. In a Sue kind of way cool and Adriann says, "Did that bitch just throw your wings in the garbage?"

"Uh, hell yes....But she brought you a fucking box for your wings!"

What the fuck am I? Chopped liver?

So, hearing all of this, the girls we were with yell "Hey! (to the manager) that waitress THREW OUR FRIENDS WINGS OUT!! Get her some more wings!"

LMAO. The manager comes over and apologizes and says "I don't know what happened. SHE IS REALLY GOOD!."

I look at him and say "I can fuckin see that!"

So, I got a free order of wings to go.

Well, I thought it was funny anyhow.

Friday, July 30, 2010

New Recipes

And so today I am posting more recipes in between trying to work my 9-5 job.  As a reminder, some of the recipes are my own ORIGINAL recipes- some of which, have been published. Others are recipes that I found somewhere, tried out and decided they were worthy of reposting.  Or, I may have eaten something at a restaurant and decided to try to recreate it at home.  I promise I won't post a shitty recipe.

Some are easy and some are time consuming, but if you read my cooking tips you should have no problems.

Ciao Bella

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Vodka and Toast

I'm still  trying to figure out this obsession that Americans have with eating three meals a day. I mean, what the shit? I don't need three meals a day to survive and I know for a fact that 3/4 of all Americans definitely don't need three meals a day.

Just look at their fat asses when they pass you on the street.

I want to scream, "'Stop! Lay off the Chipotle and KFC you fat asses!" But, I hold it back.  Sometimes I do have restraint.  Still....it bothers me. All of those muffin tops. Good Lord. If you are going to try to cram your size 22 butt into size 12 jeans at least put on something that covers that flab!

I have a wonderful family, I truly do. But the men in my family expect three meals a day. Every day. So, I've been cooking for my family for like, lets just say, 20 years now.  Luckily, the men in my family have a high metabolism and are in no way close to being fat asses but just think about it.

20 years of three meals a day. That's a lot of fucking food.  I get tired of cooking three meals a day.

Even my dog expects three meals a day now.  Sorry Boomer, but you are turning into a lard ass.  As I type this, he is knocking his bowl around the kitchen and barking at it. He wants more food. Well tough shit, it's time to put the kebash on the kibbles and bits.

You want to know why Europeans are so damn skinny? Beside the cigarettes, casual sex, pot smoking and heavy drinking??

They don't eat three squares a day. That's why.

They have a late breakfast and a late dinner dinner. That's it.  All you need.  Well, that and a few bottles.  So tell me.... why are Americans so obsessed with getting their damn three meals a day? I have no freaking idea.

I'd be satisfied with vodka and toast for dinner. Yessir. Pop in two slices of toast and chase it down with a vodka shooter. Dinner is served.

Done with.
Bon Appetit!

No cooking, no mess, no setting the table, no clean up. Wipe the crumbs off the counter and put the bottle of Vodka back behind the washing machine.  I'm in bed by nine and feelin fine.

But that's just me.

How bad does your cooking suck?

Not only does her cooking suck, but so does her taste in lingerie!

Photos from my kitchen....

Whipping up my version of Applebee's Three Cheese Chicken Penne Sauce

Always with the bottle of white.

Baking cookies at Sue's house during Christmas Break

It's cookie hell, but that's ok. I have my wine.

So, this year my daughter baked the gingerbread men. She thought they were rather fat so we had to figure out something to do with them. Below was our creation.

Cartman the Christmas Gingerbread Man!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Fast food?

This has nothing to do with my cooking, but had to post this story.

So, I go to Mc Donalds the other day for a quick hangover fix. Gotta have the soda and grease. It works every time.

So, I go through the drive thru and place my usual order: Cheeseburger-NO pickles, small fry and a small coke....I pull around and there is a Dumb ass waiting for me with a dumb look on his dumb face and no smile. (whatever happened to service with a smile?) I smile my biggest smile, give him my money and get my change.

Then the guy hands me my coke and closes the window. No Straw! I'm like, "What the fuck?" So, I rap on the window and say "Dude, can I get a straw?" Dumb ass looks at me and says "It will be in the bag." So, I say, "Dude! I want to drink my coke now, can I please have a straw?" AGAIN, Dumb ass says "It will be in the bag." Well great, so I say, "Dude, but I'm thirsty now!" He looks at me, "Your food will be right up." Ok, so Whatever.

So, then I say, "Well, can I have 4 ketchups?" He just looks at me with this blank stare. So, I persist, a bit louder this time "CAN I HAVE FOUR KETCHUPS?" Guess what he says? "They'll be in the bag." So, I roll my eyes and try really hard not to be sarcastic.

Dumb ass hands me the bag and I open it. I do this to check the fries (and to make sure my straw and ketchup are there). They ALWAYS give me cold, shitty fries. So, I open the bag and sure enough, there they are: cold, shitty fries. So, I say to Dumb ass "Dude, can I get fries that were made AFTER the birth of Christ please?" AGAIN with the blank stare.

Oh screw it anyway. So I hand back the bag and tell him I'll WAIT thank you very much, for HOT fries. I'm not eating cold, shitty fries with this hangover. So, 12 minutes later, I finally get my hot food, my ketchup and my straw.

I'm not sure if there is a moral or not, but there definitely was a moron. Now, I have seen "Waiting" and "Road Trip", so I know that I am taking my life into my own hands by complaining about the food, but I don't care at this point. I just want some hot, greasy food.

Mc Donald's is going to hell in a handbasket. I've no doubt Ray Kroc would be rolling in his grave if he saw what went on at Mc Donalds today.

Little weiners....yes you CAN do good things with little weiners.

If someone had told me that I would ever enjoy a Little Weiner, I'd have spit my drink all over them. But... let me tell you, I stumbled across a recipe using Little Weiners and it turned out to be one of my favorites. Everyone asks for the recipe and I think you will too.

Three of the best things in life are in this recipe:


I'm not kidding. I will post my Little Weiner recipe under appetizers. Try it out and then let me know if you also come to enjoy Little Weiners.

Oh the little things in life......

My beef tenderloin experiment

So...as you know by know, I love love love to cook beef tenderloin.
Especially when I can find it on the cheap. Nothing can beat it. Screw Sirloin, I say if you can find Tenderloin like I can for 3.99 a pound, grab your damn money and buy as much of it as you can.

So...I thought I would try tenderloin on the grill vs tenderloin slow roasted in the oven. Well, fuck it. Don't bother. It was a huge waste of time trying to saute my mushrooms and garlic in the kitchen and keep running outside to make sure my meat wasn't on fire. There was no difference in taste and just a very minimal difference in texture. Save yourself the trouble and just keep slow roasting in the oven.

It's also hard to drink a nice glass of Pinot Gris while you are running in and out. I kept leaving my glass by the grill, so finally I gave up and poured another glass to keep by the stove in the kitchen. Needless to say that bottle went FAST. Used to be one bottle of wine would be satisfactory while I'm cooking, now I'm well on my way to two. Sometimes I wonder if they've made a slight adjustment to the size of the bottle like they did with the orange juice?! Wouldn't doubt it, sneaky bastards.

Things that make you go hmmmm.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Shitty Tequila Lime Chicken

So, I made some Tequila Lime Chicken last night which I was really excited about cooking as I had never made it before. I even ran out on my lunch hour to buy some tequila for the recipe.

Well, I followed the recipe and I'm just not sure what went wrong, but it really sucked! I mean, it wasn't "throw up in your mouth" kind of sucky, but it just didn't taste, I don't know, what is the word I'm looking for.....Good. It just didn't taste good!

I hate it when I run out and buy a bunch of ingredients and spend a shitload of money and then the recipe turns out sucking. I guess this is why I'm really careful about the recipes I post here.

Needless to say, I won't be posting this recipe any time soon.

What I should have done was chugged the rest of the bottle of tequila and made some hotdogs, but I served the food anyhow. Everyone ate it, but not with that usual gusto I see when I know I've knocked a recipe out of the park.

Live and Learn.....

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Julia's Crepes..finally

Well, I finally sat down and typed up one of Julia's crepe recipes.
I hope you enjoy it. You'll notice that the recipe (as well as mine), contains BUTTER. Please go back to one of my first posts about BUTTER. Read it well and remember, if you substitute margarine (gag) for butter in ANY of these recipes, I'm sorry, but it just won't be as good. Butter is king and don't forget it.


Saturday, July 17, 2010

Paper Towels

So, I'll admit it. Along with wine, vodka or anything containing alcohol for that matter, I am obsessed with paper towels. Funny thing, huh? Paper towels.

I'm a pretty fussy cook and I like to be clean. So, nothing is more annoying or DISGUSTING than finding hair, fur or dustballs in your food. Or anyone ELSE's food for that matter. Especially my mom's, but that is another story.

Whenever I cook, I forgo the hand towel in favor of the paper towel for one main reason. There is not crap all stuck to my paper towels like what happens to the average hand towel laying around the kitchen. No matter what I touch or wipe, I use a paper towel. Even when I take CLEAN dishes out of the cupboard, I still wipe them with a paper towel.

My daughter thought I had kind of lost it when I was explaining this to her but, AHA, I caught her doing it the last time she made cookies. She finally understood my reasoning after trying to grease down a pan with hands that she just dried off with a hand towel...she saw it in the grease.... Little bits of...STUFF!

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a slob. I DO wash my towels, but I'm a realist too. I have pets. And kids. The average hand towel laying on your counter is going to collect hair, fur or dust. Do you want to see your guest take a mighty bite out of some glorious dish you just prepared and then open their mouth and pull out half of a hair? I say, Fuck no! OMG, yuck!

I've yet to have a dinner guest complain to me that they found a follicle in their food. At least if they have, they didn't have the balls to tell me so.

Bounty rocks my socks.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Crepes, the easy way out

So, I have looked and looked and finally found the BEST recipe for crepes ever. Even when I went to the West Side Market in Cleveland and had the so-called fucking Crepe King stand behind us in the crepe line and proclaim his crepe sauce the best of all time, I still thought, fuck you Crepe King. Julia rules...and my sister and I are fucking tired of listening to you brag about your stupid ass crepe recipe. I have already found the BEST crepe recipe. So, my poor sister had to sit and listen while this self absorbed man attempted to tell her why his crepe batter was best. UGH.

So, I will repost Julia's recipe (which after at least 10 recipe attempts is the best) but first, I'll post mine, which I have to admit is my own little baby recipe, that in a pinch, I make, almost every night when I have the muchies for crepes. It's very easy. But you kind of have to know how to make a crepe, or at the very least a freaking pancake! It just takes practice.

Vodka and sauce or is that redundant?

So, once upon a time. I went with my sister for lunch. We went to a very fancy mall and ate at a place called Brio. My lunch cost 42.00. I'm not shitting you. So. When I ate their very delicate ravioli with the pasta alla vodka sauce, I HAD to figure out how to duplicate it.

So, I have.

And I will share it with you.

You don't have to be a genius or have many ingredients on hand. So here it is. It will kick your ass! It will be listed under Main Dishes.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Cooking trivia tidbit of the day

Just wondered if you were aware that when making your own pasta sauce, instead of adding sugar you should mince a carrot and toss it in. Carrots are a natural sweetener.

Just sayin.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Slacking Off

So, I have to apologize for slacking off. Even though I suspect nobody is really reading this blog, I really do need to update it.

I confess I have been distracted by planning this trip to San Francisco, Monterey, Napa, etc...I can't wait to get away. I'm pumped up about trying all the new food and I'm especially excited about all of the wine tours that I have booked.....

I will really try to add some more recipes soon.

And, a shot from Little Italy, San Francisco

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Julia's Crepes

It is official. I have probably tried at least 10 different crepe recipes. They all say theirs is the best. Well, I have news for you. The best, and by far best of all is Julia's crepe recipe.
I'm too lazy to post it tonight. But I will post it. You won't be disappointed.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

My obsession with Beef Tenderloin

If you had asked me 10 or 15 years ago if tenderloin/filet mignon would be something I would serve my family often, I'd have laughed till I peed my pantaloons. I remember days when I sat at the deli agonizing over ham. Damn, I really want the honey ham, but it's 5.99 a pound. Chip chop ham is 1.99.. But I hate chip chop ham, I really want that freaking honey ham. But instead, I went home with the shitty part of the pig instead. So, ask me if I'd be cooking filet mignon for my family on a semi-regular basis and I'd have said you were nuts.

If you buy meat often, or steaks for that matter, think about the price and then calculate just how much of that meat you trim and cut off....bone, fat, gristle....You may pay 3.99 for a cheap cut of meat, but it's cheap and you wind up cutting half of it off before you even cook it. In my neighborhood I can find some really killer deals on tenderloin a few times a year. The cheapest I have found is 3.99 a pound. Yes, 3.99 believe it or not. When they go on sale like this, I run as fast as I can to the store and buy 4 or 5 of them. They may be 15 or 16 dollars each and it seems like a huge investment, however, the payoff in the end is worth it. I generally leave a few of them frozen whole and the rest I chop into filet mignon steaks, shish kebob meat and even stew meat. There are no bones and I've gotten really good at trimming the little bit of fat off of them.

It's the best deal around. There are times I can't get ground round for 3.99 a pound. I once went to a very fancy hotel-opening party and they were serving whole carved beef tenderloins. I never even thought of roasting one until that day, but it was so good that I had to figure out how to cook it at home.

Now I serve one on Christmas every year. It's simple, yet elegant and everybody loves it. I will post the recipe soon and maybe if you make it, you'll understand my obsession with this cut of meat.

Picky children and a hubby with coronary artery disease

When some people read my posts or my latest facebook updates, they say "Oh my God, how do you find the time to cook like that, it must be so hard!"

Little do they know that I have 3 very picky teenagers who almost NEVER try my gourmet meals unless they involve steak or possibly bacon. As I whip up my Fondue de Poulet Ala Creme I'm also hard at work whipping up a homemade pizza for the brats who won't eat what I put on the table. Sigh..yes this is how most of the mealtimes go here at my crazy place. NOTE to new moms everywhere. When your children are little FEED THEM EVERYTHING. Even if you hate it. I made the ginormous stupid ass mistake of not feeding my kids anything I didn't like and let me tell you, there is a lot I don't like. Most things that are green for example..Basically I ruined my children's palates. I pray they will outgrow their aversion to anything that contains a cream sauce or a sauteed vegetable.

So, as I whip up gourmet meal number one for hubby and I and perhaps some company, I have to cook separately for the kids. AND another great challenge I face is trying to keep my husband from having his third heart attack. The poor man has a family history.....so, cooking is just a major challenge in my house. I've managed to make really shitty good-for-you type meals into something spectacular with a little imagination and savvy ingredient swapping.

Meals aren't always gourmet in my house. Sometimes my job just doesn't allow for it. Take last night for example. We had burgers (turkey burger for hubby), homemade pasta salad and I opened up a very fine bag of frozen corn. Not exactly a stellar meal, but hey, they ate it up.

I should also mention, in my house, there generally is never enough left for me to eat. SO, while I cook and drink my wine, I try to sample a lot. That way by the time the food is put on the table, I've got 2/3 of a bottle of wine under my belt and a few decent bites of whatever I'm cooking. Eating and standing have become an olympic sport for me. I'd get the gold for sure. Hell yes.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

When all else fails

Thank God for good wine.

yada yada yada

Not much to say. Had nothing gourmet to cook today. I worked 9.5 hours and then had to cook. WTF do you cook when you are working? Well, we made some homemade pasta salad. Two meaty burgers for the boys with worchestire, teriyaki and some great seasoned salt. I bought some great giant potatos at the store .25cents each. Cant beat that. Sliced em real thin and fried em up for fair-style french fries. YUM. Best part of the meal. Oh, and had to try to make a turkey burger taste delicious for hubby. Sorry page, it wasn't much of a gourmet meal, but it did the trick. Not many mommies work 9.5 and then cook a full meal. So if you don't like it, screw off.

Filet Mignon with Whiskey Peppercorn Sauce

Well, I posted my first recipe today. Look under the page, Recipes..

This was the first recipe I ever had published. Of course when I wrote it, I didn't take into account the hundreds of people who would actually read it and try it out. The critics were kind of hard to take at first, but hey, if you don't realize on your own that you can substitute button mushrooms for crimini mushrooms, then that is your tough shit.

You also don't have to use filet mignon. I only used it because I was trying to copy a recipe from a restaurant. Sirloin works just as well.
I laugh at some of the comments because people say it takes "sooooooooooooooo long" and that is just hilarious to me. I'm guessing it's because they haven't seen the inside of the kitchen in a long time. It doesn't take a long time as long as you are prepared.

Oh, and you can forgo the crab stuffing if you're feeling lazy or just plain hate crab. It doesn't matter either way. Sometimes I use it, sometimes I don't.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Giada's Bolognese sauce

Today we are having pasta and I'm making Giada's bolognese sauce. So far, I'm not too terribly impressed. Actually, I've cooked a few of her dishes and none of them were very impressive. About the only thing I'm impressed with of Giada's are her boobs. Lord knows you see them enough on her show. sigh....ok, so back to the sauce.

After I threw together Giada's very bland sauce, I googled bolognese and found a myriad of recipes out there...some call for milk, some call for dry white wine. Giada's called for neither.

I lifted the lid on my sauce and added both. I had to keep adding and adding to get any kind of flavor whatsoever. So, when the final product is done, if it turns out decent, I will post my modified recipe.


It truly is ALL about butter. When you were young and you sang the Hokey Pokey, did you ever wonder what IT was all about? Well, I'll tell you....Butter. It was about butter.

For all of you cholesterol-fearing, margarine freaks out there, take a breath. Butter will NOT kill you. As long as you're not eating sticks of butter, you will be fine.

Yes, I watched Julie and Julia. Yes I have Julia Child's cookbooks.....LOVED that movie and I love butter, so I have something in common with Julia Child. Oh, and Julia liked to drink. So do I! Coincidence? I think not!

For every recipe that gives you the choice of butter or margarine, Please, please please.....Choose Butter! It makes all the difference in the world. A little butter goes a long way.

Besides, have you ever read the ingredient list for margarine? Ingredients for a nuclear bomb that is what margarine contains!

First attempt at blogging

I've always wanted to do this, but I have no idea where to start first. I guess I'll start with my name...... I'm Sue and I'm not that old yet. I'm a mom of three teenagers, a wife, a closet chef and a wine freak. I do have a day job as a corporate travel agent. Sounds glamorous, but it's not.

I love to cook and I love to drink. Some people will tell you that I have a foul mouth. Don't believe a damn thing you hear. They are just jealous.

I'm writing this blog for fun I think. I have always loved to write and I figure writing and cooking go together.... Writing, cooking and drinking....not so much...

So, this is my first post on this blog page and hopefully I will figure this all out and create a really cool blog.

My inspiration for cooking meals at home really didn't come about because I wanted to be a slave to my kitchen, rather it came about because back in the day-when my husband and I first got married and had kids, we could never afford to go out to eat. So, the few times we would go out and have a good meal, I would go home and attempt to recreate the recipe there.

Through the years I've gotten quite good at it and it's not as hard as some might think.

I'm going to post some of the recipes here and let you try them out for yourselves.