Thursday, August 19, 2010

Pickles!

So, my mom bought me a subscription for "Taste of Home" food magazine and I just recieved my first issue yesterday. I've got to say, it's a pretty good magazine. I really like the pictures, plus you get to use scissors to cut things out. Yippe! A magazine right up my alley. Thanks Mom!

So, I decided I'd give it a looky-see last night while I had a bath.
I was sipping on Pinot Grigio and soaking in the tub, thumbing through the magazine when I came to page 11. The title was "In a Pickle." Hmmmmm.....Apparantly TOH thinks the following recipes will make your family's tiny little taste buds just pop right the fuck out of their mouths. I beg to differ.

I'm all for enjoying a good pickle every now and then, I mean, what's life without a little pickle? I have to tell you though, after reading these pickle recipe suggestions from some of the editors, all I can say is this. What the fuck are you people thinking?

If I even considered serving my family a "Traditional, gooey, cheese pizza topped with crunchy dill pickle spears cut into chunks and baked in the oven", they would chase me down and poke my eyes out with a skewer! Are you kidding? Pickles and Pizza? Are these bitches pregnant? Wait! Here are a few other of their Pickle Recipes:

Stuffed Pickles: sliced a pickle and stuff it with cream cheese, jalapenos, cilantro and pimento. Yumm-O

Thick sliced deli ham, spread with cream cheese and wrapped around a large whole pickle, cut into 1 inch slices. Bravo!!!

A crusy rye dinner roll, with caraway and rock salt on top, stuffed with a slice of LIVER SAUSAGE, RED RASPBERRY JAM and slicked pickles. This editor said she ate this every day at college. Well, I'm sure she did because she is a cow. Ugh. I could barely get past the LIVER SAUSAGE part without vomiting all over my keyboard!

How about a nice giant dill pickle wrapped in swiss cheese and SMOTHERED in mayo! OMG, so fucking tasty I can't stand it!

I've got to say, they really "Wowed" me with their recipe suggestions. NOT.
Real people do not eat this shit. So, Ladies, PLEASE......take your pickles and your brilliant ideas and go home! Enough said.

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