Friday, September 7, 2012

I have a new follower!

I have nothing to say about food tonight because I'm only drinking. I made my hubby some horrible smelling Tuscan White Bean soup and he's actually eating it right now. I had a cheeseburger with no pickles and a value fry from McDonalds. It was pretty shitty.

I'm just excited  I have a new follower, so I had to acknowledge it.

And....Ta Da........first recipe submitted by Sandra Misiolek

As promised, I will begin posting recipes submitted to me by fans and friends.  The first, submited by Sandra Misiolek, will be posted shortly.

Thanks Sandra! 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Help Needed

Since I'm in this cooking funk, I thought I would reach out to my fellow bloggers for help to keep this site at least a little bit relevant toward cooking and good recipes.

If YOU have an awesome recipe, you know the one where everybody asks you to bring it to their party or cookout and you inevitably spend 15 minutes writing it down and passing it out? Please share it with me and I will post it on the blog.  I am going to add a new category called "Fan Recipes" and I will include your recipes and include your name and location.  (with your approval of course)

So, dig into your recipe boxes and email me some of your very favorite, no fail recipes. You can email them to   I look forward to an email box overflowing with your culinary creations and if you can't be bothered to send one, well then you can just piss off and choke on the next thing you make. (well, I hope you don't choke but you CAN piss off."

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I don't cook shit anymore!

So, just when my blog started to become popular I realized that I never cook anymore. As a matter of fact I rarely even eat anymore. I'm in such a funk. I miss cooking and talking about it.  Now that my husband is on this shitty Vegan, but worse than Vegan diet, I rarely eat and I feel terrible because I have no idea what anything I'm serving him tastes like.

Imagine this. I used to cook some fabulous meals. Delicious meals you could buy in a restaurant but maybe can't afford to do all the time, so I would research the recipes, copy them and recreate them at home. Cooking and drinking were my two favorite things to do. Well, beside sex, but you get my point.

Now, I have to watch every little thing my husband eats if I want to keep him alive, which is why I started a new blog called "I have to cook WHAT?", and it's REALLY hard. I mean how many fucking things can you do with beans and rice? Not a whole hell of a lot. Ditto that with soy meat, soy milk, soy yogurt and rice. Oh sure, you can cook vegetables a million ways but if you consider the list of things my husband CAN'T eat, you would be shocked.  So, listen to this.  No meat. No poultry. No fish. No turkey (I know its poultry, but a lot of people forget that.) Nothing dairy, and I mean nothing. No milk, no eggs, no butter, no margarine, no yogurt.  No OIL! Not even olive oil.
Did you know olive oil isn't as healthy for you as they make you think?

It takes me 11 teen hundred hours to shop because I have to read every label and it's also fucking expensive to buy healthy shit.  So, you may wonder, what CAN I cook these days? Hmmm. Let's see......steamed or baked vegetables, rice, beans, veggie wraps with no kind of dressings, wheat crust pizzas with sauteed veggies, salad with only fat free dressings with no oil....oh yes, it's a nightmare.  AND to top it all off, I eat NONE of this crap. None of it. Plus it disgusts me. So, while I'm cooking it, John's lucky if I even stick a teeny part of my finger in it to taste it, so 99 percent of the shit I put in front of him likely tastes just like that. Like shit.  Ooh, I found a soy meat substitute which I can't even begin to describe, but if I mix it with Manwich, it kind of makes sloppy joes.  I've found ONE cake recipe that is completely vegan and it's actually pretty good, but other than that it all sucks.

I miss cooking. I mean REALLY cooking. And now I'm an empty nester. Everybody is pretty much out of the house so there is nobody to cook extravagantly for.  So, I never eat.   Except for breakfast on most days.  So, I have lost a lot of weight and hey, the hubby is still alive and hasn't been in the hospital for 10 months, so I'm doing something right.

So, I kind of came to the conclusion that perhaps I would just start writing about OTHER people who cook and shit like that.  Until I can start cooking again. If that ever happens.  Perhaps I'll just start using my cooking blog to talk about other stuff. Fun stuff. Like the dog shit all over the house that I spent my morning cleaning up. Some people tell me my life should be a sitcom and they're probably right.  I told my husband I wanted to write a book, that I had a lot of good stories to tell and he said, "Well you're not going to talk about our lives are you?"  Um. No.  That never crossed my mind.  I'm thinking I'll need to come up with a pseudonym cause I've got lots of good stories.  But, I'll have to start drinking pretty regularly again because I write much better with a raging buzz. So, hopefully you'll see some more stories out of me soon.  I'll be working on it, right after I clean up the last of Boomer's poop.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I just noticed.....

I cook a LOT of shit with cheese, butter and wine.  Just sayin.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Chicken Alfredo that would send Paula Deen into a diabetic coma. (Can I airmail chicken alfredo?)

So, tonight my son came up to me and asked me if I'd make some Chicken Alfredo. I almost told him to go fuck himself because I'm a bit on the pissy side today, but I thought, "What the hell."  Since my husband has been on this new "I can't eat anything but Alpo and Oranges diet", my kitchen has been boring as fuck. Seriously. My butter hasn't seen the light of day. I haven't bought heavy cream in 3 months. My parmesan cheese has been frozen in the freezer and my olive oil asked me for a divorce. Bit of a funk, eh?

So, I ran to the store, fast. The way a pedophile runs to the nearest playground and I went NUTS buying GOOD shit! $7 parmesan! Heavy Cream! Cream cheese! 7 cheese shredded blend mix! WINE! Chicken bouillion and EGG freaking noodles. I had a culinary orgasm. Right in aisle 7.

The biggest thing I had to debate was how many bottles of wine I needed to buy. I mean, I knew afterall, that I needed some wine in the sauce, I just couldn't decide how much I wanted to use. I mean drink. So, I just bought everything my credit card would allow and I sprinted home to cook.

I spent 2 hours in the kitchen making alfredo sauce from SCRATCH. There is nothing quite like homemade alfredo sauce. I especially love it with shrimp, which is a slightly different recipe, but tonight the kids wanted chicken and considering Sara is allergic to shrimp, I had no desire to explain to the EMT's why I was drunk and my daughter was convulsing, so chicken it was. 

I will be posting the recipe here shortly and I really hope you all decide to just bear down and try to make it from scratch. Especially considering I took play by play pictures and wrote it all down as I was cooking it, even as I was chugging Chardonnay straight from the bottle. So from my kitchen to yours, ENJOY!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Paula Deen vs. Anthony Bourdain

So, Paula Deen has recently announced that she has Type 2 Diabetes and not suprisingly has suddenly become a spokeswoman for Diabetes medication. (there's a fucking shock) What makes me laugh are people who think this is some kind of news.

I mean, here is this chunky southern woman, who can't go without saying "Ya'll" fifty times in a sentence on TV teaching people how to make hoho cakes and twinkie pies. I mean this woman eats Crisco with a spoon for chrissakes.

So, now that she's contracted this disease and has signed on to become a spokesperson for Diabetes medication, she's going to preach to people about healthy eating? What horseshit. I've never, ever liked Paula Deen. Just listening to her talk makes me want to die.

I had to laugh this morning as I read this excerpt from People Magazine Online this morning. It features the feud between Paula and Anthony Bourdain, whom I adore. He's a straight shooter who tells it like it is and doesn't take bullshit from anyone:

The feud continues, y'all!

Anthony Bourdain, who famously blasted Food Network star Paula Deen last year, calling her the "most dangerous person to America," has weighed in on the news that Deen – known for whipping up decadent desserts like Twinkie pie and coconut chocolate chip gooey cake – suffers from type 2 diabetes and is now a paid spokeswoman for a diabetes medication.

In a thinly veiled Tweet hours after Deen's announcement on Tuesday, the outspoken New York chef wrote: "Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later."

Last summer Bourdain called Deen the "most dangerous person to America" who's "proud of the fact that her food is f------ bad for you."

At the time, Deen – whose recipes include chocolate cheese fudge made with Velveeta – fired back that Bourdain should "get a life".

Name-calling aside, trainer Bob Harper says Deen needs to overhaul her life for the sake of her fans and her own health.

"Her food is just entirely too decadent. If you eat like that, it's going to come back and bite you," says Harper, who is helping a new crop of overweight contestants shed pounds on season 13 of NBC's The Biggest Loser. "She's going to have to get in the kitchen and find a way to get creative with the foods she loves to eat, make them healthier."

And striking an even gentler note, Dr. Travis Stork, ER physician and co-host of The Doctors, adds: "Life is all about choices. The light bulb moment has to happen for everyone – hopefully this is Paula's."

You know, it's not hard to cook unhealthy food. In fact, it's a piece of cake. There are a ton of cooking shows on TV teaching everybody how to whip up shit that can put you into a diabetic coma or allow you to gain 50 pounds in one seating. What I want to see is a cooking show that really, truly aims to teach people how to cook healthy. Oh, there are a few out there that claim to cook healthy but don't let them fool you. Olive Oil ain't all it's cracked up to be. Trust me.

Some of you know I started my new cooking blog to share recipes I've found that are heart healthy, due to my husband's restrictive diet.  Please don't think that I'll ever stop cooking the unhealthy recipes that we all love, because I won't.  I am however learning to cook both ways and I'm hoping to add more recipes every day as I learn to cook this shit that's good for you. And, I can only hope to get better at it. So, you can bookmark my new blog which is:

Monday, January 9, 2012

Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits-Just like Red Lobster's..NOT

So, if you've ever eaten at Red Lobster you've probably had the biscuits. You know what I'm talking about; those delicious, lip-smacking mounds of carbohydrates that we all love to eat. You might even be one of those people who wrap them in napkins and stuff them in your purse and then coyly ask the waitress for more (like me)....Well, she knows what you are up to, you fat ass. You are stealing the biscuits. Everybody knows it because everybody does it. Those biscuits are the shit and you can't get enough. You've probably scoured the internet for the recipe like I have-only to be disappointed over and over again because every recipe sucks and just doesn't taste the same. There are a ton of recipes out there, but none are quite like Red Lobster's. Believe me, I know. I've tried them all. Well, I've finally come up with a recipe that's close.

I'm not going to boast and say that mine are the best, because they're not. I don't have a fucking convection oven or that lovely pre-packaged scampi garlic butter, but they're pretty damn close. As a matter of fact even my kids say they taste just like Red Lobster's, maybe even better....If you've been to Red Lobster lately, something is going on because the biscuits have been anything BUT the shit-they actually ARE shit, and it's pretty disappointing. Not sure what's going on there, but I'm going to share my recipe with you.  It's pretty simple but you have to follow it exactly if you want the same results.

You'll find the "Sue's biscuits are the shit" recipe in the Side Dishes section.  Hope you enjoy!