Friday, September 10, 2010

I just ate WHAT?!!!!

So, we were invited to my Sister-in-law's house for a cookout a few weeks ago and I haven't written about it yet because it's taken me this long to get over, I'll tell you the story.

I always LOVE going to Karen's (name changed to protect the innocent) house for dinner because she is an awesome cook and she is very Martha Stewartish. From the fresh made lemonade with sprigs of just-picked mint floating in it, to the handmade placemats and name tags.....she really knows how to impress. I get very excited when we get invited. But, there is ONE small drawback. My brother in law is a hunter... So, you never know what might turn up on the dinner table. Usually, it will be venison.

As we were getting ready to leave I looked at my daughter Sara, and said, "God, I really hope they are NOT serving deer today. Anything but fucking Bambi, because I will be hitting McD's on the way home." Yup, for sure....we were both pretty clear on this.

So, we arrive at Karen's and sure enough...there is the fresh pitcher of homemade lemonade with fresh raspberries and mint! There is a giant bowl of pasta salad with fresh vegetables from her garden. Cucumber salad! Fresh fruit from the garden! Corn on the cob! OMG.... A turkey! A freaking turkey smoking out in the garden under a metal garbage can for chrissakes! Then, on the counter there is a crock pot of barbecued pulled "beef"........I couldn't wait to eat! I was starving.

So, I fill my plate and we head out to the deck to eat. Sara and I are enjoying our food and I just got about 1/2 way done with my bbq "beef sandwich".......Now at this point in the story..I have to back track.....

Earlier, we had gone downstairs to see my Brother-in-law's latest conquests.....Coyote on the wall, three deer heads and a goddamn fucking black bear! Of course, they are very proud of this and they should be. They are hunters! Me, not so impressed. I just want to leave the taxidermy shop, NOW! I am creeped out.... so I get out of there as soon as I can.

Which brings me back to the deck, and the dinner story....As I take about my fourth bite into the bbq "beef" sandwich, my Sister-in-law (sneak in law) looks at me and says, "So, how do you like the sandwich?". I say "Ok, enough bullshit. What the fuck am I eating?" She looks at me with a giant smile and says "yogi bear".

Ok, that's enough. I almost barf right there. I am eating BEAR. Not only am I eating BEAR, but I am eating the BEAR that is downstairs, stuffed on the fucking wall! I can't take this. Deer is bad enough, but BEAR? I don't want to eat BEAR! Given the choice, I'd have licked the toilet seat rather than eat a goddamn BEAR! I was kind of pissed because I thought, hey, if I was going to invite people over to a BEARbeque, I'd have at least told them they were having wild game and given them the choice to back the fuck out.

Needless to say, the other half of the sandwich went into the trash and I was done eating and sick to my stomach!

I went in search of the alcohol and prayed that it would make me forget what I ate or make me sick enough to throw it up later. Enough of this! After we left, we all pretty much agreed that given the choice we would not have eaten yogi fucking bear,thank you very much. So, lesson learned. Next time we're invited to Karen's, I don't eat anything that has ever eaten anything else. Ever again!

P.S. To be fair......I have to admit.. the Bearbebque sandwich was actually pretty tasty until I found out what it was.

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