Thursday, July 29, 2010

Vodka and Toast

I'm still  trying to figure out this obsession that Americans have with eating three meals a day. I mean, what the shit? I don't need three meals a day to survive and I know for a fact that 3/4 of all Americans definitely don't need three meals a day.

Just look at their fat asses when they pass you on the street.



I want to scream, "'Stop! Lay off the Chipotle and KFC you fat asses!" But, I hold it back.  Sometimes I do have restraint.  Still....it bothers me. All of those muffin tops. Good Lord. If you are going to try to cram your size 22 butt into size 12 jeans at least put on something that covers that flab!


I have a wonderful family, I truly do. But the men in my family expect three meals a day. Every day. So, I've been cooking for my family for like, lets just say, 20 years now.  Luckily, the men in my family have a high metabolism and are in no way close to being fat asses but just think about it.

20 years of three meals a day. That's a lot of fucking food.  I get tired of cooking three meals a day.

Even my dog expects three meals a day now.  Sorry Boomer, but you are turning into a lard ass.  As I type this, he is knocking his bowl around the kitchen and barking at it. He wants more food. Well tough shit, it's time to put the kebash on the kibbles and bits.

You want to know why Europeans are so damn skinny? Beside the cigarettes, casual sex, pot smoking and heavy drinking??

They don't eat three squares a day. That's why.

They have a late breakfast and a late dinner dinner. That's it.  All you need.  Well, that and a few bottles.  So tell me.... why are Americans so obsessed with getting their damn three meals a day? I have no freaking idea.

I'd be satisfied with vodka and toast for dinner. Yessir. Pop in two slices of toast and chase it down with a vodka shooter. Dinner is served.

Over.
Done with.
Bon Appetit!

No cooking, no mess, no setting the table, no clean up. Wipe the crumbs off the counter and put the bottle of Vodka back behind the washing machine.  I'm in bed by nine and feelin fine.

But that's just me.

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